It’s a dreaded question and one that society tends to push. Monthly, I get inquiries along the lines of “Are you single? Oh why is that?” and I don’t have one answer for it. But I do have several.
Bridget: …[he] asks me the question dreaded by all singletons.
Geoffrey: So, How’s your love life?
Bridget Jones is right when she says all singletons despise any questions relating to their lonely love lives. In all the ways I’ve thought to explain myself to inquiring relatives, I’ve resulted to one response: adulting is hard enough as it is and I don’t currently have time to rescue my Prince from the clutches of a fire-breathing Mistress of All Evil. His rescue will just have to wait until I figure out my own situation.
If you think I’m joking then consider that school doesn’t prep you for college lifestyle budgeting. Instead of studying at 2 am, I’m up Pinteresting lifehacks and budget tips. So adding another human to my chaotic life right now seems too cruel a punishment for any guy no matter how tall, dark, and handsome he is.
Why being single isn’t bad
First and foremost, I am not looking for a relationship. Which ironically is the mythical time for when the love of my life is supposed to show up. However, I need to focus on what makes me the best I can possibly be before mister right shows up. That way he gets the best me I can possibly be and I know what I want in my life at that point.
My life stage doesn’t allow it right now
Speaking of wants, I’m not sure what I want in my life. My career is a blur, I’m going to be a five-year college student, and I’ve left university three times now. To imagine catering to someone else right now while my ducks aren’t in a row just seems like too much for my plate. I have a lot more growth to pursue before I can even think about tying myself down with an unset career path and unstable financial position. It’s hard to feel comfortable in a relationship with so many questions for myself.
I’m constantly moving. From internships, university, home, and solo traveling I can’t stay in one place for very long. I call myself a drifter for a reason.
Some people have the ability to pursue a long distance relationship and I give them major credit. Couples in that situation show that although it’s hard the reality of a long distance relationship is very doable.
I have many friends that started their relationships over a long distance (like the USA to England). So far, the partners in these relationships show a deeper appreciation and devotion to their partners. It’s extremely romantic to see them reunite on Instagram stories. Although I wish I could pursue a fairytale life, I can’t imagine starting a relationship and holding it at a distance with my fluctuating decision making patterns.
As stated above, I’m not looking to tag-team the adulting game. I’m counting on myself which makes dating a non-existent priority in my life. I need me time without the distractions of a relationship right now.
More often than not, relationship distractions are good but just not ones I can fully cherish at this moment. For instance, the amazing internship abroad that I’ll experience this summer was an easy “Kat you wanna go? Cool.” No need for a long conversation, future sappy goodbye, or the potential drama from being two months apart. It’ll be just me, myself, I and lovely Australian strangers.
Dating is two steps below a phobia
I’m terrified. The idea of dating is scary to me.
Since hormones struck me as a teenager, I’ve dated and had several long and relatively serious relationships. Along the way, I met really great people but something always felt off on my end. So as of seven months ago, I called it quits in the dating realm (for now) and dove into self-discovery.
Dating just isn’t right for me at this stage in my life.
Which brings me back to my main point. I’ve been single for a long time–long meaning four years without a serious relationship. The idea of a guy supporting me and screwing up adulting right by my side just freaks me out and kind of spikes my anxiety.
The positives to dating
The thought of having someone there to comfort me in stressful times, to laugh with me over inside jokes, and of course go on romantic walks on the beach, is odd for me to picture. It all sounds amazing and I picture myself having that one day. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to have a best friend that loves me and I love him.
Of course, I want to have someone in my future and I would like to get married eventually down the road with Mr. Right, the whole works, but not right now. <– notice the emphasis.
It’s scary to think I could meet someone that turns my whole world upside down yet make it feel like home. Some describe it like hitting a brick wall.
If a man came into my life at this moment, I would be like a dog chasing a squirrel; as soon as I caught the squirrel, I wouldn’t know what to do with it.
Growing and learning for myself
So as of the past four years, it’s been just me and if someone were to enter my life the norm is completely thrown out the window. It won’t be just me and I will have to learn to not be overly courteous to his feelings and needs as I have tendencies to do. I haven’t had the best relationship experiences, so going off old Kat’s way of handling relationships doesn’t seem like a good idea. When the time comes I’ll have to read books on dating.
Like this one. Or this one. I’ve actually read the five love languages and I recommend the read.
Although I am single and I have six extra pillows on my bed that become useful on cold nights–don’t judge–I simply am not in a place that gives me the ability to love another person right now in the way he deserves to be loved.
It’s totally okay to be single and our society forgets to tell us singletons that. Date nights that make you the fifth wheel, couples holidays, and marriage announcements can make singletons feel lonely and depressed. I can still feel that way sometimes because who doesn’t want a best friend to share with, care for, and indulge life’s moments with?
You aren’t alone
No matter how lonely these nights may seem, don’t believe you’re alone. The single life allows us the time that we otherwise wouldn’t get if we were caught in someone’s stare. Being single is a type of empowerment that gives people the chance they need to reflect on themselves. It makes them reflect and turn into the people they want to be with more focus.
So banish those negative thoughts about being single. It is definitely a positive and it’s something to embrace and learn from during the time a person has to herself.
It’s important to note relationships are a blessing and a person can grow while being in a healthy relationship. It depends on the type of person and her ability to reflect while loving another person holistically. For me, that’s a challenge at this moment, but I have high hopes for the future.
Don’t forget to comment your thoughts below. Tell me if are you feeling my vibes on this one or not vibing at all? Either way, I’d love to hear your respected comments on this topic!
Be bright and be you!
Xxx Kat xxX